the wedding.

the couple.

the bestfriends.

the seremban R&R (...)

we owe you big, ezreen. thanks a zillion:)

everyone's dying.

last sunday, my parents and i had an open talk about me.

how i don't want to do medicine.

how i hate biology since i was form three.

how i dread all those people in white uniforms.

how i despise those bitter pills and flush them down the toilet whenever i have the chance to.

and

how i end up doing IB at kolej mara banting, doing preparation for medicine.

oh i really hate the M-word.

it is not like we never had an open talk before, but this time i really could not take it. i'm freaked out. i'm afraid i would be a university drop out one day. i'm scared that i might fail my interview just because i couldn't answer the evil-est question;

WHY MEDICINE??

i really have no answer for that. should i just open up and say, "my parents want me to be a doctor. the make me do this" ? hell no. one year passed, and i still don't have a thing for medicine. in fact, i still hate biology!

finally dad said, "if you want to quit, you can just quit now. we do want you to be a doctor, but if you think you cannot make it, then what's the point of continuing. but you have to consider everything. you won't get any scholarship. and everything you do, the risk is yours."

but mom still wants me to be a doctor.

"we've been saving money for you, for your future hospital."

i really hate this conversation. it brings me nowhere. i'm torn. i do want to make them happy, but i cannot risk my whole life for something that i'm not even sure of.

this evening, i received a text message from mom.

"take care, don't forget to take your medications. dad is very much concerned about our discussion last week. but just to let you know, i'm willing to stay with you wherever you are in your final year, if that's what you need. even if that means leaving my family behind."

i AM your family. we ARE family, mom.

and family sticks together.

i WILL be a doctor. or at least, get a medical degree.

there is no such thing as turning points in life, let alone MY life.

malaysiaku malaysiamu jua.

kalau ada orang tanya, apa kejayaan terbesar saya so far sepanjang kehidupan IB yang mencabar [apatah lagi sekarang dah sem 3 kan??], saya akan cakap dengan bangganya...

"nurul nabilah kini telah menjejakkan kaki di puduraya seorang diri berbekalkan beg putih radioactive-nya [yang sudah koyak], dan pulang ke kuantan menaiki bas, serta tiba di terminal makmur dengan jayanya."

hebbatt. ya, sangat hebbat. [saya faham kalau ada yang jeles]

saya juga dengan bangganya telah men-skip-kan diri dari kelas IELTS [alah,yangpetangsabtubosangiletuh] semata-mata untuk menyambut ketibaan ayah dari negara asing. padahal ayah cakap boleh je beliau nak pergi kmb sekejap dari KLIA. ah, takkire. nak balik jugak. [banyak je alasan nak balik. ngade3]

serius. pengalaman pertama menjejakkan kaki sorang3 [yela.takkan nak jejak kaki org lain plak kan??] bukanlah satu perkara yang menyeronokkan. terutamanya bila anda taktahu ke mana hendak dituju [macamliriklagu]. terkapai3. macam loner. biar la pudu je pom. still, saya hampir lost dalam lautan manusia yang tersangatlah wangi itu.

dan berbekalkan sekeping tiket bas yang hampir lunyai dalam tangan, saya menghampiri kaunter transnasional.

"erm, pakcik. bas pergi kuantan platform berapa?"

"takde platform. dah3, pergi duduk tu."

[god i swear he was almost yelling to me]

lalu duduklah sy di atas bangku sebelah sorang amoi chantek ni. [tpmeganfoxlagichantekla]. bukak buku sikit, baca3 sikit. tapi still gelisah. gelabah. macam mana nak tawu bas tu kat platform mana ek?? tiket pkul 12.30, skarang dah 12.20...

"em.sorry. boleh tanya tak?bas ni platform mana ek??"

"oh adik tengok kat situ. eh, dah boarding la. cepat3"

[sambil tunjuk kat jadual trans ape tah]

tengok. amoi chantek tu pon bleh cakap elok3. biar la dia tak kerja kat kaunter transnasional pon. walhal pakcik tu kalau boleh dimakihamunnya sy, kena jugak on the spot si nurul nabilah tu.[apaygdibebelkanni??]

dan turunlah nurul nabilah ke platform 10, menuju ke bas bertulis "hari bertemu pengguna 2009" [iklan3]. baru je nak naik bas dengan konfidennya, seorang amoi tua takberapanakchantekk [amoitua,amoijugakapa??] sedang turun dari bas sambil membebel sorang3.

"saya da beli tiket, tapi hilang. macamana nak jumpa anak saya kat kuantan. driver manyak mara.bla bla bla.."

nurul nabilah sekadar tersenyum sambil menolong beliau menurunkan beg birunya. dan terus menuju ke seat 9A. fuh, alhamdulillah. selamat..

secara tidak semena-mena..

"YOU TAKDE TIKET, YOU NAK NAIK BAS, MANA BOLEH!"

bvuysgcbnsiheinwvq@#$%&(...

"YE, SY TAWU. TAPI TAKDE TIKET, TAK BOLEH NAIK. BELI TIKET LAIN LA!"

m*guy(&^$!$fghiuhimaw....

"AH,DAH3. SY CAKAP TAKBOLEH NAIK, TAKBOLEH LA.TAK FAHAM KA??!!"

nkjoisbg$%!hjiu_(&w#.....

"ADA ORANG DALAM BAS NI NAK TURUN????BAGI DIA NAIK, DAH NAK NAIK SANGAT. MENYUSAHKAN JE!!"

mungkin bunyinya agak kelakar, tapi sy sgt tersentuh. pakcik takboleh ke cakap elok3 dgn dia? dan tak sampai setengah minit offer tu dibuka, terus pakcik driver tu cakap lagi.

"TAKDE ORANG NAK TURUN. DAH, PERGI BELI TIKET LAIN!!"

pintu ditutup. dan bas terus bergerak. eh, amoi tua tuu...

kita semakin kurang sopan. [atau mungkinkah orang transnasional yg begitu?] dua orang pakcik melayu.. dua orang amoi, seorang tua, seorang lagi chanteekk.

serta sepasang mat saleh yang memerhati dari mula lagi. [sy skodeng dari tingkap]

dan wajah amoi tua ygtekberapanakchantekk serta rayuannya masih lagi terngiang3..

first time jalan sorang3 kat pudu..................